I hate.

Anyhow...

Alrighty, now switching back to English, or someone will have some suspicion on me, what I am up to, rambling in some foreign language like I did before. You may have your suspicion, if there is anyone who do, since I was feeling oh so jolly-HO while writing that..that I need to say it in a language not many people on this earth know..I think..without needing the cencorship board to do the trick and destroy the effect.. hmhmhm..

Now, fast forward to this week...hmm.. what a productive week...I realized something about myself...

I hate it when someone accused me doing something dumb.

I hate it when someone bothers me while watching the tv.

I hate it when someone told me to run their errands while I am in the middle of something.

I hate it when people pry into my own private world.

Ok, so maybe other would say.. d'oh.. who wouldn't! But I know some people just don't give a damn, its petty, so what the hell, but not me, I will seeth and seeth! I won't say anything about it, just keep it inside and went into my room and do my stuff.. and think about it.. and dwell on it until sleep makes me forget..since I am the person who thinks, tomorrow is another day, I would usually go on with my life until someone did one of the things...again... and I will seeth some more. Hah! So, maybe I should just snap back, but I hate confrontation since I would always lose. Being a last child has a lot of disadventageous, no matter how old you are, you won't get the respect you wish. To them you are still the 'little' child, altho the fact that you are bigger than most of them...

Another thing I learned about myself this week, is I've been like this since I was 3, I prefer to be on my own in the corners, away from everyone, playing on my own. I don't have any imaginary friend. Hell, I want to be alone, why need an imaginary friend. The only person I trust was my big sister..I tag along wherever she goes, and I sleep with her and stuff.. I think my mom's a bit jealous about that. Yeah, like which mom won't? I prefer my sister than her, heh.. :P well, that's what my parents told me. They also said, because of that, they hardly realized I am already grown up, they can hardly remember the years when I was a toddler..the one that tot around, being cute and stuff. One memorable thing was I did a stunt that almost expires my parents, I ate an arsenic plastic container. The arsenic was used to kill rats and somehow, I got the empty container which still have the tidbits of the yummeh chemical on it and chewed away. That explains my occasional retardedness, heh. Well, since then, they got arsenicphobic or something..the next time dad bought them was when I was 19. Maybe he didn't trust me enough when I was 9 or something...

Hmm.. I wasn't feeling so happy when I started typing this, in fact was feeling...well, the walls are closing in and the colors fade to black kinda feeling. I was swearing here and there, but I erase them off, since I don't think its apropriate. I am not feeling so bad now, feeling better. So, maybe I should return to my writing project.

I hope I can learn to be more patient...

© charon at
2001-04-20
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